For all those who have been waiting on the edge of your seat since February.....
I FINALLY took my Valentine's Day present to the bike shop to be assembled.
So it's July but who's keeping track?
It will be ready for pickup on Tuesday and I more than likely will spend the evening tooling around the parking lot of my apartment building trying to figure out how to clip and unclip myself into the pedals.
Stay tuned, crash pictures are sure to follow.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 09, 2009
While shopping earlier this week for all the things I seem to have forgotten in NH I stumbled upon a book written by Kristin Armstrong called "Happily Ever After: Walking with Peace and Courage Through a Year of Divorce." Now I love all things Armstrong; floors: that 10 yr warranty rocks, Lance: swoon and Kristin...well she is just the bee's knees. I've been following her blog through Runners World for a few years now and I believe that the way she handled herself in her own divorce and the years that have followed is very admirable. It's not easy to conduct yourself with grace as your husband is off living it up with a Rockstar, Goldie Hawn's daughter and numerous fashion designers and models (although I heart Sheryl Crow too.) So I bought the book for the bargain basement price of $2.99 at Ross and have loved it.
It's not a straight through read, instead it's a verse and thought daily which focuses on making good choices, handling yourself with courage and grace and realizing there will be tough days but you will get through them. Her thoughts I read yesterday led to the post about my kids and today, well today she wrote about running!
"There is a place where our humanity, be it our emotional will or physical strength, simply stops. We come to the end of our personal resources. I have felt this int he midst of my divorce, and at mile 20 of a 26.2 mile marathon distance, I know what it is to come to the end of me."
I immediately thought back to my last marathon, the one I didn't think I'd finish. I remember walking/running through the streets of DC thinking, "the next aid station I'm just going to stop." I had thought I'd see The Marine along the course, but hadn't. I hurt everywhere: my knee's, my feet, my legs...my heart. All I wanted to do was stop running. To sit down on the curb and just quit. But for some reason, I couldn't. I kept putting one foot in front of the other until at last I saw that monument up ahead and I pushed through to the finish. I was humbled and amazed that I could be in that much pain, that much physical ache and keep going.
In the past week+ since I've driven south away from New Hampshire, my husband, my dream house and my 11 yr marriage I've felt that pain, that ache and that intense desire to just sit down on the curb. I have come to the end of me and I just want to stop, but I won't. I won't because like that marathon, there is something wonderful waiting on the other side of this journey and I will be a better person for having made it.
It's not a straight through read, instead it's a verse and thought daily which focuses on making good choices, handling yourself with courage and grace and realizing there will be tough days but you will get through them. Her thoughts I read yesterday led to the post about my kids and today, well today she wrote about running!
"There is a place where our humanity, be it our emotional will or physical strength, simply stops. We come to the end of our personal resources. I have felt this int he midst of my divorce, and at mile 20 of a 26.2 mile marathon distance, I know what it is to come to the end of me."
I immediately thought back to my last marathon, the one I didn't think I'd finish. I remember walking/running through the streets of DC thinking, "the next aid station I'm just going to stop." I had thought I'd see The Marine along the course, but hadn't. I hurt everywhere: my knee's, my feet, my legs...my heart. All I wanted to do was stop running. To sit down on the curb and just quit. But for some reason, I couldn't. I kept putting one foot in front of the other until at last I saw that monument up ahead and I pushed through to the finish. I was humbled and amazed that I could be in that much pain, that much physical ache and keep going.
In the past week+ since I've driven south away from New Hampshire, my husband, my dream house and my 11 yr marriage I've felt that pain, that ache and that intense desire to just sit down on the curb. I have come to the end of me and I just want to stop, but I won't. I won't because like that marathon, there is something wonderful waiting on the other side of this journey and I will be a better person for having made it.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
the road not taken
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." Randy Pausch
The thing about running that I have always loved is that my body tends to go into autopilot after about a mile. I settle into my pace, relax my shoulders and just go. My mind quiets and most of the confusion and noise from the day fade into the background. My ipod shuffle that I run with is not filled with the loud, shake you ass rock music that I like for the gym. My shuffle is filled with mellow, beachy-vibe type music that helps me relax: Matt Nathanson, Colbie Callet, Kenny Chesney, Springsteen..the gangs all there. The music fades into the background and I can just focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
Running is also when I do my best thinking. As many who run faithfully can attest, the best way to make a decision or find clarity is to strap on those shoes and take off. Sometimes it will come to me right away, sometimes I'm able to just see both sides with a different perspective and sometimes I remember....
This morning was one of those remember times. As I ran along my 3 mile loop I thought back to the last month with The Marine. I flash back to the decision to leave, the 150 times I changed my mind, to telling the girls, to putting them on a plane, to our last night together before I drove away. It was almost as if it was a music video playing in my head. I was listening to Lady Antebellum's "You Are Not Alone" and the memories just flooded through.
I feel like he and I had a tough choice over the past few months. We could've taken the road of the angry spouses who yelled, screamed, hit, and threw things or we could take the path of the people with so much respect for each other, even in spite of what has happened. Thankfully and amazingly we chose the path less traveled. As I said in the post I took down, I have never spoke harshly about my husband on this blog and will not start now. He, in turn, could've run my name through the mud many times but hasn't. Instead we choose to surround ourselves with people who only want what's best for everyone involved...and we are both truly blessed to be surrounded by many people who want just that...to include each other.
Another path that we chose was how to tell our children. We very easily could've told our children the details that led to our decision but instead realized that this was not a burden for our children to bear. The didn't need to know what mommy or daddy had done to make this decision, all they needed to know was what would happen to them. We told them about the apartment, we told them about my job, we told them how often they could expect to physically see their dad and how often they could talk to him (which was whenever they wanted). They have a phone they can text him on whenever they want, they have email, they can call. They were assured over and over that their parents were still amazing friends and would always be connected because of them. They are loved and their parents will assure them everyday of how much they are loved by us. Was it an easy decision to make? Not at all. I still have to make the decision everyday, and so does he. Chosing to not badmouth each other to our children, friends and each other is a deliberate decision. It didn't come automatically. Am I brushing this to the side and saying I've done everything right? Absolutely not, but I've made the commitment to try my best to help my children play the hand they've just been dealt and as the song and my little music video ended on that run this morning.... I pictured my girls, sitting at our favorite restaurant in Portsmouth, watching a Red Sox game and smiling. They were going on a plane the next day for 6 weeks at grandma and grandpa's house, and they were smiling.
The thing about running that I have always loved is that my body tends to go into autopilot after about a mile. I settle into my pace, relax my shoulders and just go. My mind quiets and most of the confusion and noise from the day fade into the background. My ipod shuffle that I run with is not filled with the loud, shake you ass rock music that I like for the gym. My shuffle is filled with mellow, beachy-vibe type music that helps me relax: Matt Nathanson, Colbie Callet, Kenny Chesney, Springsteen..the gangs all there. The music fades into the background and I can just focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
Running is also when I do my best thinking. As many who run faithfully can attest, the best way to make a decision or find clarity is to strap on those shoes and take off. Sometimes it will come to me right away, sometimes I'm able to just see both sides with a different perspective and sometimes I remember....
This morning was one of those remember times. As I ran along my 3 mile loop I thought back to the last month with The Marine. I flash back to the decision to leave, the 150 times I changed my mind, to telling the girls, to putting them on a plane, to our last night together before I drove away. It was almost as if it was a music video playing in my head. I was listening to Lady Antebellum's "You Are Not Alone" and the memories just flooded through.
I feel like he and I had a tough choice over the past few months. We could've taken the road of the angry spouses who yelled, screamed, hit, and threw things or we could take the path of the people with so much respect for each other, even in spite of what has happened. Thankfully and amazingly we chose the path less traveled. As I said in the post I took down, I have never spoke harshly about my husband on this blog and will not start now. He, in turn, could've run my name through the mud many times but hasn't. Instead we choose to surround ourselves with people who only want what's best for everyone involved...and we are both truly blessed to be surrounded by many people who want just that...to include each other.
Another path that we chose was how to tell our children. We very easily could've told our children the details that led to our decision but instead realized that this was not a burden for our children to bear. The didn't need to know what mommy or daddy had done to make this decision, all they needed to know was what would happen to them. We told them about the apartment, we told them about my job, we told them how often they could expect to physically see their dad and how often they could talk to him (which was whenever they wanted). They have a phone they can text him on whenever they want, they have email, they can call. They were assured over and over that their parents were still amazing friends and would always be connected because of them. They are loved and their parents will assure them everyday of how much they are loved by us. Was it an easy decision to make? Not at all. I still have to make the decision everyday, and so does he. Chosing to not badmouth each other to our children, friends and each other is a deliberate decision. It didn't come automatically. Am I brushing this to the side and saying I've done everything right? Absolutely not, but I've made the commitment to try my best to help my children play the hand they've just been dealt and as the song and my little music video ended on that run this morning.... I pictured my girls, sitting at our favorite restaurant in Portsmouth, watching a Red Sox game and smiling. They were going on a plane the next day for 6 weeks at grandma and grandpa's house, and they were smiling.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
I took the last post down because it wasn't really fair of me to go off on everyone cause I'm mad.
I received an inappropriate comment from someone who had read the "divorce" post and reacted badly. In my quest to "be a better person" this year I deleted the post, deleted the comment made (although I'm still pretty sure who you are cause blog tracker is a glorious thing) and will now be taking the high road again.
In prep for the upcoming half marathon on Nov. 1, I made a training schedule today and got 3 miles in on the thrillmill. That coupled with squats, lunges and dead lifts should make for interesting walking tomorrow!
I received an inappropriate comment from someone who had read the "divorce" post and reacted badly. In my quest to "be a better person" this year I deleted the post, deleted the comment made (although I'm still pretty sure who you are cause blog tracker is a glorious thing) and will now be taking the high road again.
In prep for the upcoming half marathon on Nov. 1, I made a training schedule today and got 3 miles in on the thrillmill. That coupled with squats, lunges and dead lifts should make for interesting walking tomorrow!
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Starting Anew...
For those who know me on facebook...well know the Marine and I on facebook, you know our little family news. It is heart breaking to write, and even more so to live, but after 11+ yrs together, we are separating.
Last week I packed a Budget truck, attached my jeep to the back and drove 800 miles BACK to NC so that I can work for a year in the ER at the local hospital. It was the hardest day of my life and the week since has been the hardest week of my life. In the weeks since the decision to split, he and I got along better and communicated more than we have in years. We laughed, we cried, we talked and we made decisions based on what's best for our girls, what's best for ourselves and what will keep us on the friendly terms we are on now. He has been and will remain my best friend and not seeing him day to day and being able to lean on him will be the hardest part of all of this.
Our family and friends think we are crazy and say that we have "the most amicable" separation they've ever seen, but that's always how we seem to do things. The separation is/was my idea and mainly my fault, but the divorce to follow is his doing. He just needs this closure I guess.
So, in the coming year this blog may take on a different tone, in the wake of the past few months I feel like I am starting over in my life, my relationships, my running, my swimming and everything else. I will be starting counseling soon and hope to rebuild some things that are broken but I will be leaning on running more than ever to get me through this.
I invite you, faithful friends and readers, to come along with me on this journey. I believe in the power of running and the peace it brings more than ever.
it's time.
Last week I packed a Budget truck, attached my jeep to the back and drove 800 miles BACK to NC so that I can work for a year in the ER at the local hospital. It was the hardest day of my life and the week since has been the hardest week of my life. In the weeks since the decision to split, he and I got along better and communicated more than we have in years. We laughed, we cried, we talked and we made decisions based on what's best for our girls, what's best for ourselves and what will keep us on the friendly terms we are on now. He has been and will remain my best friend and not seeing him day to day and being able to lean on him will be the hardest part of all of this.
Our family and friends think we are crazy and say that we have "the most amicable" separation they've ever seen, but that's always how we seem to do things. The separation is/was my idea and mainly my fault, but the divorce to follow is his doing. He just needs this closure I guess.
So, in the coming year this blog may take on a different tone, in the wake of the past few months I feel like I am starting over in my life, my relationships, my running, my swimming and everything else. I will be starting counseling soon and hope to rebuild some things that are broken but I will be leaning on running more than ever to get me through this.
I invite you, faithful friends and readers, to come along with me on this journey. I believe in the power of running and the peace it brings more than ever.
it's time.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I think I used to be a blogger...
Way back when. Back before nursing school, kids, deployed spouses, returning spouses and moving.
But now....I'm an RN! Not a working RN, but an RN nonetheless. I have some options and some decisions to make, but more of that later. Right now, things are crazy, lives are changing and running is still on the back burner.
I've been running, but not much. A couple of miles here and there. But keep with me people, I'm going to be a blogger again.
But now....I'm an RN! Not a working RN, but an RN nonetheless. I have some options and some decisions to make, but more of that later. Right now, things are crazy, lives are changing and running is still on the back burner.
I've been running, but not much. A couple of miles here and there. But keep with me people, I'm going to be a blogger again.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Half way (almost)
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